Tag-arkiv: IT

The Motherfucking Manifesto For Programming, Motherfuckers

Cool anti-metode:

The Motherfucking Manifesto
For
Programming, Motherfuckers

[via Thereses blog]

Manifesto for Half-Arsed Agile Software Development

We have heard about new ways of developing software by paying consultants and reading Gartner reports. Through this we have been told to value:

Individuals and interactions
over processes and tools

and we have mandatory processes and tools to
control how those individuals (we prefer the term ‘resources’) interact

Working software
over comprehensive documentation

as long as that software is comprehensively
documented


Customer collaboration
over contract negotiation

within the boundaries of strict contracts, of
course, and subject to rigorous change control


Responding to change
over following a plan

provided a detailed plan is in place to
respond to the change, and it is followed precisely

That is, while the items on the left sound nice in theory, we’re an enterprise company, and there’s no way we’re letting go of the items on the right.

Cobbled together one Saturday morning before breakfast by Kerry Buckley
(@kerryb), following an article
by Ron Jeffries and this suggestion from Eastmad.

Fra www.halfarsedagilemanifesto.org.

Tak til labbyisten Therese for tippet!

Konsulentkanibalisme

I en IT-virksomhed bliver 5 kannibaler ansat som kontorassistenter.

Ved tiltrædelsen siger chefen:

– I er nu fastansatte, I gør et godt arbejde og kan spise i vores kantine – sÃ¥ lad de andre være i fred.

Kannibalerne lover, at de ikke vil røre kollegerne.

Efter fire uger kommer chefen igen og siger:

– Der mangler en konsulent!
– Er der nogen af jer der ved, hvad er der blevet af ham?

Alle kannibalerne ryster på hovedet og sværger, at de ikke har noget med sagen at gøre.

Da chefen er gået, vender den ene kannibal sig om mod de andre:

– Hvem af jer fjolser har spist konsulenten?

Den bagerste melder sig med sagte stemme:

– Det var mig.

РStore idiot! Nu har vi de sidste fire uger spist partnere, principals og managers, uden at nogen har opdaget det og s̴ skulle du absolut spise konsulenten!