Quantum cryptography

Quantum cryptography is a method of encrypting information that results in the code being theoretically impossible to crack. The method is quite complicated, and the american government has tried their best to prevent it from reaching the public, but nevertheless Uncyclopedia has access to the process. Here’s how to encode information using quantum cryptography:

1. Translate into l33t.
2. Convert to binary.
3. Translate out of l33t.
4. Translate into german.
5. Translate into chinese.
6. Convert to binary.
7. Remove every second digit and add them all to the end in the opposite order.
8. Convert out of binary.
9. Translate into l33t.
10. Translate into russian.
11. Remove every third digit and add them all to the beginning in the opposite order.
12. Convert to hexadecimal.
13. Translate into l33t.
14. Change all the |s except the last one to Bs.
15. Change all the even-numbered Bs to 7s.
16. Convert all non-hexadecimal digits to binary.
17. Convert out of hexadecimal.
18. Copy it to an Uncyclopedia edit page, add an Oscar Wilde quote, save the page and copy the result.
19. Translate into jive.
20. Add 2 to all its numerical digits (9s convert to 0s).
21. Convert all paired-up hexadecimal digits out of hexadecimal.
22. Remove all the spaces, 6s, Js and /s and put them at both ends in the opposite order.
23. Translate out of l33t.
24. Convert from .bmp format to .jpg format.
25. Translate into l33t.
26. Change all the 3s to |s and vice versa.
27. Convert to binary.
28. Take the binary string formed by light shining through vertical slits arranged according to the binary code from step 27. (This is the step that gives the method its name, because the resulting patterns are based on quantum randomness as to the paths of the photons)
29. Convert out of binary.
30. Translate into french.
31. Translate out of jive.
32. Translate into l33t.
33. Convert to Hexatridecimal

Through this 33-step process, one can encrypt any string of information into a form which it is impossible, as dictated by the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, to decode. However, there is one problem with quantum cryptography which prevents it from being used to protect computer systems and top-secret military information.

The problem

Unfortunately, because the code is literally impossible to crack, there is no way to convert the information back out of its encrypted form. The original information still exists, but there is no way to decode it that allows anyone to understand it. As a result, sadly, there is currently no practical use for quantum cryptography.

Actually, nowadays, many live information strings (namely RSS feeds) have insurances that encrypt them using quantum cryptography to preserve them forever. It is believed that in the future technology will have evolved enough to decode this information, so it seems lost information may yet be uncovered.

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